Turning off the "Mommy"

I've spent a lot of time lately bonding with my SIL in ways, that 3 years ago I would have never imagined possible and now that we are both expecting within two weeks of each other, I think our bond has strengthened even more!  Lately, we've been discussing decompressing, anxiety and just wanting to turn off the "mommy"!

We've shared a lot of stories about our hormones and emotions and how sometimes we just feel so grumpy etc. Though I'm pretty sure she's fibbing a bit, she seems to be handling her "crazy" much better than I am. If you've been following my blog at all, you can see I'm pretty open about my "crazy" and not so shy with who gets to see it!

On July 4th, we left our home in Vancouver, just Ava and I.  We have been staying with my parents for the last 5 weeks and while I appreciate everything they do for us, it's very clear that Miss Ava is definitely starting to REALLY miss her Daddy and I don't blame her cause I miss her Daddy too! Not just because he's an amazing father who has the most incredible way with her, but he's my best friend and he does so much for our family! This mommy needs a hug!

There is this moment that I have after Ava and I have spent just a little too much time together. When when you start hearing the word "Mommy" and just the tone in which it's said makes you want to scream, cry, and run away all at the same time. I don't know if it's a girl thing but my goodness "Mommy, I can't find my hairbrush" just makes me cringe. The inner me wants to scream," RUN AVA RUN!"

 

It's that moment, when you look in the mirror and all you see is "Mommy."  You need sometime to decompress and find yourself again! When you haven't had a grown up conversation or even a moment of silence in who knows how long. Suddenly you realize it's been a week since you washed your hair and you begin to wonder why you got out of bed today.  Yes this is me lately and I think this is a lot of mommies out there.

Unfortunately, I don't think we have quite yet built up enough of a support system within our mommies to be able to show our "crazy" when you need too, to feel defeated and to cry without feeling weak.  I've said for a long time, that these little beings are like mind ninja's they get in there  and then all of a sudden, you are a mess and you're screaming at the girl in the Tim Horton's Drive- Thru.

The other night, Ava went from this sweet little girl to the "I don't want to" monster! It wasn't pretty! Trying to explain to her that "I don't want to" isn't a valid excuse and that thing we do EVERY single night called brush our teeth.. isn't a surprise and to "get your butt in the bathroom and brush your teeth" ....

"I don't want to!"

It went from bad to just plain old ugly really quickly. Dad had to be called and then I see this sweet little girl returning..... Wait for it.... nope just kidding the monster is still here! Then I'm in tears crying! Yes, I'm aware that children are kind of like bears! They smell fear and even worse...they prey on it and I just threw a big ol' steak to the angry bear!

That's it....I've spent too much time in mommy land lately. My sister-in-law has spent too much time in mommy land lately!  I'm sure HALF the mommies reading this have spent too much time in Mommy land.  We have this need to be a perfect mommy raising perfect children and if we do chose to go back, a lot of us becoming obsessed with being the perfect employee.  You can't do it all, unless you ask for help! So take a deep breathe, realize that what you're doing is developing the future and that is a big deal! The only person expecting you to truly be perfect is you! It is ok to not finish everything or to not want to hear the word "Mommy" any more for the day. 

Being a mommy is a HARD job and it's ok to ask someone else to give you a break, whether it's your children's father, your boyfriend, you brother, your uncle, your best friend! In order to be a good mommy...you have be a good person which means being good to yourself! It is ok to turn off the "mommy" and no it doesn't make you a bad mommy! It makes you human!

Why do you need mommy time?

I think taking the time for yourself is so important when you are a Mommy, and I'm also very aware that since my daughter was born, I've said this but I have never really practiced what I preached.  This is from a book 100 Questions from my Child, a book my mother had gotten me written by Mallika Chopra.

If you know a mom who is much like me, and never practices what they preach as for mommy time, stop by one day... kick her out for an hour and play with her children.  Bring a $10.00 gift card for starbucks..even better!

Being a mother requires wearing many hats.  From managing the house, meals, bath time, nap time and bills, to balance work and relationships many days I find very few moments to even sit down.  Life with kids gets crazy, and there are times I feel I just can't manage anymore.  But the reality sinks in- as a mom, I can't eve let the craziness get to me!

Then there are those days when things are just more difficult.  There is a work deadline, no good in the house, the phone doesn't stop ringing, the bills are late and I have a miserable headache.  Inevitably on such days, I find that my daughters, sensing my stress, also demand more attention, fight more, and are generally moody.

My daughters are used to the concept of my needing some mommy time, and my husband respects my need for it.  For me, finding some ME time everyday has been life transforming.  These moments, if tapped into regularly, build up over time to give me a source of peace, perspective, and calmness.  Ideally, I can meditate for 15 minutes to catch my breath and be silent.  Most often, my mind is racing with all the things I haven't done, forgot to do, or need to do.  Nonetheless, I force myself to take the time to decompress.  I become more centered, less frantic, and calmer.  Family time becomes more focused and more fulfilling.

When my daughters ask me why I need mommy time, the answer is quite simple. 

Mommy time makes me a better mommy!


Question for your Child:  When you are alone, what do your thoughts sound like?