Sharing or Trading?

So many great articles have come out lately about different parenting issues with sharing and some of the policies that daycares and preschool centres have.  While I cannot say we are completely in the clear on the sharing topic as far as my oldest Ava is concerned but it's definitely got me thinking about the approach we took and whether it's still the correct approach for baby number 2. We always looked at toys and sharing and we decided not to share but to trade!



Basically, we decided that if there was a toy that she wanted from another child or vice versa, that Ava would have to find another toy to approach the child and see if they wanted to trade.  Each child reserves the right to say no to a trade but the other child can then see if maybe they can find a different toy to trade with.  Most times, Ava would attempt a trade, the child said no and she'd go back to the drawing board to find something else to offer up as a trade!  While searching for that second or third something, Ava would usually find something else and want to play with it instead and crisis averted! We found that offering a trade either made them completely forget what they wanted to play with in the first place or the trade worked out and neither child felt slighted by losing a toy because they both still had a toy and everyone continued having fun!



Now current day, our 5 year old Ava doesn't really have too many moments of wanting something that another child has, knock on wood, she usually will ask if they can take turns with something but she never truly takes something away from another child.  She is usually pretty understanding with the smaller kids and that they don't always understand "take turns!" She is also 5, I know we are going to have many moments where things won't make sense or someone will not want to trade or even let her see it at all.



The article I was reading was "Should You Teach Kids to Share" and I found so any compelling points in this argument that makes you think, perhaps I shouldn't teach my babes to share? There has been many things that have come up with parenting issues that I shake my head at and wonder what kind of children are we raising? My daughter knows that she is not entitled to anything just because she wants it but rather to find a solution but if the child says no, to move on! 



We've had situations where she has been told while playing a sport that if you score, you are not allowed to cheer and say,"YES!" because that makes the other children feel bad.  In a hormonal rage, I've wanted to say "Well then teach your child not to suck" however I know this is not appropriate and we try to teach Ava about the differences between people and that while we are not the same, it doesn't mean we are any better or any worse but to always be polite and know that she is a talented, beautiful, sweet, understanding little girl and to know her self worth and to walk away rather than say something mean. I'm trying to teach my daughter to have patience with people and to understand where they are coming from but there are plenty of moments where I want to give peoples head a shake and ask.. "WTF, are we doing to these children!"



Please teach them manners and chivalry. Teach them to apologize and be sincere about it. Teach them to say NO and to accept when they are being told NO.  These kids need to learn patience, understanding, tolerance, but most importantly, they need to learn how to fall, how to get hurt and how to move on!



 Is sharing just aiding in raising entitled, whiny, snivelling little brats? I'm not sure if there is one way which is better than the other but as parents I think we need to remember the following: